Steps the Sexual Abuser Takes to set up children
Some Parents wonder how it is possible for their children to be sexually abused. Offenders use many tactics to gain access to children.

These include:

• Seeking out an approachable child.
• Establishing a relationship with the child.  
• Breaking down the child's resistance to touch.
• Finding ways to isolate the child.
• Blaming the child and keeping the secret.

Seeking out an approachable child
Abusers usually pick children who are easy to get to (relatives, friends, neighbors, etc.). They may also seek children who have emotional needs for friendship and attention.

Establishing a relationship with the child
Abusers often seek ways to build trust and friendship with children. They may spend time playing with them, volunteer for child care duty, become their “buddy,” or buy them candy and presents.

Breaking down the child's resistance to touch
Abusers may find ways to touch children a lot. As a result, the children are often confused when the touch becomes sexual. The abusers may play games with a lot of physical contact, like wrestling, and they may tickle children and sneak sexual touches.

Finding ways to isolate the child
Abusers find excuses to be alone with children so they can molest them. For example, they may baby-sit, invite children to sleep over or take them camping.

Blaming the child and keeping the secret
Abusers try to make the children feel responsible so they won't tell the secret. They use statements like:

• “You know you like the way I touch you.”
• “If you tell, people will think you are bad”
• “If you tell our ‘special secret,' I will go to jail”
• “If you tell your mother, she won't love you anymore”

Sexual offenders often threaten children to ensure their silence. They may threaten to harm the child or those the child loves.